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Five Ounces of Pain

MMA on Tap

Monday, November 23, 2009

Friday, October 9, 2009

Brett Rogers the Badass

This type of pre fight interview is more than enough to get my blood pumped up about a challenge to Fedor's "protected" immortality status. With friends like M-1, WHO NEEDS DUH!?!
This is the most exciting match up that Strikeforce has to offer Fedor, by FAR! Is the business run by a bunch of MMA blog nerds? All of us want to see the most unpredictable/competitive fight ATM. This is it for SF!

Take a few notes from UFC:
1. Build up the fighters with undefeated records a bit.
2. Market the hell out of them.
3. Hype that shit!

For the few and only to respond that didn't get the Gina ESPN post (dense Mother Fuckers).
It was a smash on Photoshopping the hell out of every professional image shoot. I didn't think I was on a different level than that many people. How did you find a job to budget your ISP connection on?

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Rashad > Rampage Obviously

Last nights TUF was somewhat of a religious experience for me. It is nice when your long time intuitions are confirmed by the fancy editing of reality TV. The ending showed the ignorant, classless, charismatic, dishonorable street thug (known as Rampage) in true form. Hopefully acting can tame and mask his shit scum persona like it does with so many other Hollywood elites. Shit scum...(fucking sweet description).

Rashad was portrayed as the insightful, educated, strategic hope for the destruction of Rampage wannabees the world over. Nut Hugging this great man, while the world wants to beat him down is fun. But having UFC's reality show convert the masses opinion of him was fucking sweet.


(high fives self)

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Gina's facial likeness appears on the cover of ESPN

That stomach is more disgusting than a 400 lb Rhino you wake up to after 13 hot damn 100 proof anal shots. Obviously not Gina's stomach that gets masturbated to on the 14th and 22nd of each month at 2pm whether it lands on a work day or not...I'm flying to Chicago to watch Fedor fight.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Fedor Wins!

Discard the fact that Fedor (Anderson Silva's dad) was fighting a subordinate of his M-1 organization. The skinny employee might defeat fat boss in a real fight. This is true more times than not, but it doesn't put food on the gums.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Griffin's ass whoopin

Anderson Silva's play time. He beat Forrest Griffin's ass and treated like his favorite childhood toy. Dan Henderson (Forrest's dad), is gonna have to lay an almighty ass whooping against the adult that nearly killed his child.

Dan Henderson don't take kindly to that child abuse bullshit.

Friday, July 31, 2009

M-1 stays strong

M-1 just finished UFC negotiations. The crazy Russians wanted half of UFC's event profits for Fedor to fight.
M-1's business model still strong through '09.

I don't know how M-1 is going to clean up this negative PR. Blogs hate M-1 now that they've gone public with their insane demands. It's pretty obvious they aren't looking out for Fedor's best interests.

I hope Fedor enjoys his life fighting in poverty stricken Russia. Unless some other MMA company wants to give their company to M-1's advancement. Suckers...

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Gina Carano's next opponent

The Beauty vs. The Beast

Originality x1000, calm down, jealousy kills.

Fedor might UFC

I heard from my friend the I-nterent.
Fedor might want to make his name known in the USA too.
If I were Fedor, I wouldn't sign a UFC contract. According to all of his previous interviews he cares nothing about fame, money, legacy, dominance...anything I or Ghandi would agree with. Fedor only wants to be remembered as a good person.
In a recent interview Fedor demanded he's "Definitely not the Antichrist to every MMA company".

Friday, July 24, 2009

Fedor sinks another organization

This casualty's name is Affliction.
Affliction Dictionary Definition: A condition of pain, suffering, or distress.
The lure of owning the best can be mind consuming and lead to irrational buying decisions. I've worked up some Fedor equations in an attempt to solve this man riddle, but can't find a pattern.

Friday, July 17, 2009

I curse you with lost brain cells

Football is all about humans making dogs kill each other for human profit. HAHA. Don't watch football it's for stupid heads! (remember back in early UFC 199x that guy punched the Chinese dude in the nuts?) I wish Penny Arcade's creators a slow financial death for their ignorance.
I haven't found a funny comic by these fucks yet, if you find one post it, slave.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

He will bully you, and fuck your girl

The original school bully is back! I'm going to start wetting the bed like I never have before...tonight.
This big fucker will hold you on the ground and make you cry uncle.
He rules the playground and will make recess hell. You will not look forward to recess. You will dread recess by the hand of his ungodly reverse atomic w edgy.
He has a mansion in the woods where he pleasures himself to your humiliation. This demonic abomination gets paid to do it and he must be stopped.

You the man Hendo

Pictured left. Dan Henderson preserving his right hand for it's destined purpose of splattering Michael Bisping's motor mouth.
That was one of the most awesome things ever.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Why admire Rashad?

In one sentence: A high IQ, high skilled fighter, that analyzes each situation with no preconceptions and doesn't offer canned responses in an interview. A rarity, to say the least. This interview is awesome! It takes me into the mind of a KO'd fighter after a loss. He walks you through the experience like a mother teaching a newborn. Obviously, Rashad has never been close to being KO'd before Machida.
I can feel his pain about being kept awake by a fight. One night a guy cheesed me on UFC 09 by applying and releasing submission moves from the half guard, 10 times in a row till my stamina was drained. Once my stamina was down, he committed to the finishing submission. That night I only got 5 hours sleep. The last three I was wondering how the fuck he did that. I should have just got up, fired up the game, figured out the cheat and gone back to sleep. He's on my "Avoid" list now, oh well.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

This could get interesting

What happens when the fastest growing sport in the world won't cave to the established money holders? Dana White is a stubborn/smart/gambling SOB and won't let the established/inferior sports commanders rape him. CBS?
MMA has primarily blogosphere coverage. Seems kind of strange considering all of the water cooler talk.
I consider this struggle for power the same as digital media vs "rape music listeners".
The established vs the educated. Who will win?

Friday, May 29, 2009

Enjoy your time Machida

Was Rashad Evans just exposed? If Machida Karate is your life, you might stand a chance the first time?
Trust me, Rashad's off the chart IQ will analyze and dismantle his perplexed performance. Not even Joe Rogan's Machida chanting spooge has the power to alter Rashad's revenge.
I feel sorry for Rashad's next opponent.

Monday, May 25, 2009

Brutal KO

It's an ankle, knee, gravity, pressed up against the cage with a ghoulish corpsy face montage.
It always amazes me when these fighters go from lights out to a coherent/classy interview in a matter of minutes.
Machida completely dominated Rashad. I liked Rashad's game plan going into the fight, stay on the outside and make Machida come to him. It turns out Machida's range is ridiculous. He's comfortable with a 10 foot gap, and can strike like a cobra in milliseconds. I think a Machida standing in the middle of the Octagon has the first few rows of seating within immediate striking range.

Give it another year and Rashad will be back with a modified game plan to try and take the title back from Machida. However, Machida looks just as unstoppable as Anderson Silva. How can you be so dominant Mr. Machida?

“MACHIDA KARATE”, yells Machida.

...These fight photos are occasionally registering in my brain as UFC 09 game screen shots. I have to do a double take. A little creepy.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

UFC Undisputed 09 WOW!

The fighting system for this game is incredible. I'm a long time fighting game fanatic and this game blows Street Fighter 2 away. I'm declaring it the best video game fighting system created in gaming history.
The balance/variety/options/counters/timing/accessibility are second to none. YEEEHAAW! I think I just ejaculated!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Battle of the brains

The pictured scenario is clearly out of the question. Evans will be the definitive victor, but expect some boos from the crowd due to the perceived inactivity.
This is the reaction one can expect when reserved masterminds enter the octagon.
The wild card in this match up: Which mastermind will cave first to the crowds' hostility and 25 minute time limit. I wish these two could battle for days.

Monday, May 18, 2009


God's perfect creation. The anti-anti-Christ. Machida worshipers, meet your maker.

...He's better than you. Don't deny it. Look in those eyes and admit your failure as mortals.

You can't write this satire

If you don't get a chuckle out of this Hughes vs Serra rivalry, get yourself checked into a suicide hot line. I don't want to lose another MMA fan's life due to brain damage or depression.

UFC Fans Rejoice

Finally a game that does our sport justice! I've played the hell out of the demo and pre-ordered. I don't have to train and can still feel like a UFC fighter. Thank you THQ!

...Saints Row kicks ass too THQ, but your wrestling games suck some ass and are probably why you are going into Chapter 11.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Kalib Starnes Comeback?

I was at UFC 83 and witnessed Kalib Starnes back peddling against Nate Quarry. In retrospect, Kalib Starnes was more active in his bout than Anderson Silva and Thales Leites and also, David "The Turtle" (formerly Crow) Loiseau were at UFC 97.

That was the fight (or lackthereof) which saw Kalib Starnes' UFC contract eliminated and so he was sent packing, similar to what happened to Vinny Magalhaes after his decision loss at UFC 97 to fellow TUF contestent, Elliot Marshall.

The good news is that the UFC is still interested in Starnes and hopes that he is able to rebound by picking up a few wins outside of the UFC before getting the nod from Joe Silva to fight on a future UFC card.

I enjoy Kalib's moxy and hope to see him back on top again because the UFC really needs a lot of help in the Middleweight division right now.

José "Juiced" Canseco to Face 7'2" Hong Man Choi

It was announced today that Jose Canseco at 44 years of age will make his mixed martial arts debut at Dream 9 against 7 foot 2 inch K-1 standout, Hong Man Choi as part of DREAM's Super Hulk Tournament on May 26 at the Yokohama Arena in Yokohama, Japan.

First Round Super Hulk Grand Prix bouts:

Bob Sapp vs. Ikuhisa Minowa
Jan Nortje vs. Rameau Thierry Sokoudjou
Gegard Mousasi vs. Mark Hunt
Choi Hong-man vs. José Canseco

As Canseco has never been in a mixed martial arts fight before, his last attempt in a boxing ring last year during a celebrity boxing match didn't go so well for the Juiced whisle blower of Major League Baseball fame.

In May 2008, Vai Sikahema accepted a challenge from Canseco to fight him for $30,000. Canseco claims to have earned black belts in Kung Fu, Taekwondo, and Muay Thai, while Sikahema fought in the Golden Gloves tournament won by Sugar Ray Leonard. The fight took place on July 12th in Atlantic City at the Bernie Robbins stadium. The 5'9" Sikahema knocked out the 6'4" Canseco in the first round.

On January 24, 2009, Canseco fought radio personality and former child actor Danny Bonaduce in Aston Township, Pennsylvania; the three-round match ended in a majority draw against the 40-something red-headed partridge family stepchild.

To get a feel for the sheer size of the HULK, here's a clip of Hong Man Choi fighting against The Last Emperor, Fedor Emilianenko on December 31, 2007:

Let's just say that Jose Canseco is no Fedor and never, ever will be.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

MMA Connected

MMA Connected is a new weekly MMA show with host "Showdown" Joe Ferraro.

This show is superb and I will be sure to keep all future episodes posted right here on MMA Fever!

Enjoy :)

Anderson Silva Wants Fedor!

Here is a quote from Yahoo Sports on Anderson Silva's request to fight Fedor Emelianenko:

White said that Silva also expressed an interest in fighting heavyweight Fedor Emelianenko, who is under contract with Affliction. White has made several attempts to sign Emelianenko, none successful.

Soares confirmed that Silva would like a fight with Emelianenko and said that size wouldn’t be an issue. Silva walks around between fights at 215 and Emelianenko fights around 230.

“We’d come in at about 220 if we ever got that fight,” Soares said. “Anderson thinks that would be a great fight for him. He didn’t say he expected to blow him out, but he thinks he can give him a very good fight.”

But long before he considers fighting Emelianenko, he has to worry about a match with Griffin.

Dana White has flip-flopped in the past with his stance on co-promotions however, with MMA organizations dropping like flies these days, the time is right to strike when the iron is Dana White hot.

It appears that Dana is luke warm at the moment to the idea following the UFC 97 embarrassment and is setting the stage after the Spider bites Griffin at UFC 101 for this historical MMA event.

Anderson Silva vs. Thales Leites Recap Video

Anderson Silva and Thales Leites at their finest in the main event at UFC 97 *cough* Redemption.

They'll need to do a lot more to redeem themselves after this bitch fest.

Sweet ass Pimp hat and cane sported by the Spider... no wonder Thales wouldn't fight back in the 25 minute sleeper event of the century.

Now Anderson will face the "face" of The UFC and former UFC Light-Heavyweight Champion, Forrest Griffin @ UFC 101 in Philadelphia on August 8th to redeem himself with MMA fans.

All I can say about that is, "Run Forrest, Run!!!"

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Wandy Nuthuggers Reunion at MMA Fever

Even the most critical pundits and fanatics of MMA say that the fans are fickle to the bone when it comes to the "flavour of the moment" mixed martial arts fighter. For the most part, that is true yet there are some fighters that are considered cult-like entities that no writer dare speak of candidly and openly in public without suffering severe scorn from their fanatics... well, except for one. Me.

One of those cult-like fighters is Wanderlei Silva who has amassed an incredible fan base over the years due to his reckless and transparent style of fighting that hasn't evolved since his early Vale Tudo days in Brazil, back before many of these Wandy Nuthuggers got laid for the first time.

I caught the usual predictable heat from Wanderlei Silva love drones recently when I gave Wandy the dubious distinction of being MMA Fever's Tool of the Day.

Wanderlei Silva hasn't been the same since Mirko CroCop kicked the tattoo off the backside of his head with a left high kick KTFO at Pride - Final Conflict Absolute in September of 2006.

Well nuthuggers, we are in the year 2009 now and your defence of the once "Killer of the Cans" (notwithstanding Rampage Jackson) in Pride has himself become the UFC's most famous Can since Tito Ortiz was unceremoniously booted from his UFC contract last year.

It is important to note that Tito Ortiz has a win over Wanderlei Silva back in April of 2000 at UFC 25 in Japan no less.

Most of the homo-erotic love 'cums' from keyboard warriors over at Sherdog yet none of them know anything about the man touting himself as The Can Murderer.

I haven't seen a thread mentioning Wands destruction of Kazuyuki Fujita; Kazuhiro Nakamura; Hidehiko Yoshida; Yuki Kondo; Ikuhisa Minowa; Hiromitsu Kanehara; Tatsuya Iwasaki; Kiyoshi Tamura; and the list of cans goes on and on and on.....

Wanderlei Silva's most notable recent fights against REAL COMPETITION:

LOSS to Quinton Rampage Jackson - KO - Round 1
LOSS to Chuck Liddell - Unanimous Decision
LOSS to Dan Henderson - KO - Round 3
LOSS to Mirko CroCop - KO - Round 1

Sure, Wanderlei got lucky with a KO against Keith Jardine before Wand got KTFO'd against Rampage however, Houston Alexander also annihilated Jardine yet Alexander isn't spoken of with the same homo-erotic love as Wand's nuthugging fans give him.

In words that Sherdoggers can understand, Wanderlei Silva is a gatekeeper fighter who is struggling in the twilight of his MMA career similar to the fate realized by Randy Couture, Matt Hughes, Tim Silvia, Chuck Liddell and the infamous, Tito Ortiz.

Wand has become a human meat-bag with a soft mellon that has no skills aside from flailing his punches in bunches in the hope and prayer that one will connect against his opponent for the KO.

Sad that the Wandy Nuthugging crew isn't sophisticated enough to see through the hype that DreamStage Entertainment built up for this betting man's patsy in Japan.

Like I said before, he's done... so staring lovingly at his poster beside your bed isn't gonna bring the can crusher back to life 'cause the UFC isn't gonna feed him cans like Pride FC did.

If Dana White can drop Chuck Liddell so easily, don't you think Wanderlei Silva is next after he loses his next fight, which, is inevitable?

Wandy Dropping to 185 is such a Randy Couture move to NOT EARN an instant title fight except this time, the modern Silva (Anderson) will retire the tired Yakuza pawn for good which, is exactly what the sport needs to do and that is to remove tired fighters from their rosters for the benefit of the growth and EVOLUTION of the sport of global Mixed Martial Arts.

Get over it Wandy Nuthuggers and move on to Shogun Rua before you get called out as a transparent bandwagon fan like you know you really are.

R.I.P. Pride FC 1997 - 2007... you made Vince McMahon and "Sports Entertainment" proud.

Monday, April 27, 2009

This MMA Video Scared the Shit Outta Me!

Props to Kyle Maynard for realizing his dream.

I'm gonna have nightmares for sure.

Reminds me of that freaky X-Files episode ("Home" Season 4) with the old woman under the bed.

How do you fight someone with no arms and no legs?

Tool of the Day - Wanderlei Silva

It's been a while since MMA Fever has donned its shamed "Tool of the Day" on a mixed martial arts fighter since Tito Ortiz decided to quit fighting and live out his days inside of Jenna Jameson's mammoth vagina.

Well, it's time to bestow the infamous honor of the Tool of the Day to a serious cuntnugget, Wanderlei Silva.

You all remember when I said Wanderlei is done in the UFC, right? Well, he still is and now he's proven to be a massive Tool by taking shots at Anderson Silva's performance at UFC 97 againt Thales "LayDown" Leites.

Hmmm.... is it a coincidence that Wanderlei is toying with dropping to 185 from 205 or is he simply the most OVER-HYPED fighter the Yakuza has proudly stabled in Japan up to 2007.

Anderson Silva would crush Wanderlei's soft noggin in the first round.

Wanderlei, you are MMA Fever's TOOL of the DAY!

Anderson Silva 'Splainin' UFC 97 Debacle on Inside MMA

I attended UFC 97 (Section 214, Row C, Seat 3) and had a perfect view of what I consider one of the top 3 worst UFC events in recent history however, I'm not bitter about the performance of Anderson Silva.

Anderson came out to fight yet nobody seemed to let Thales Leites in on the fact that he too was supposed to fight. Sure, Anderson did let up on his fellow Brazilian countryman a couple-few too many times yet Leites was to blame for the Main event debacle at UFC 97.

Whenever Leites saw the Spider come close to him, he would fall on his back and spread his legs like a drunken high school cheerleader. Clearly, this was Thales Leites way of avoiding punishment in the cage while failing in an epic fashion to bait the Spider multiple times into his own web which, Anderson would have none of it.

Note to everyone: You are not technically in guard unless someone is ACTUALLY in your guard.

Anderson Silva is the Middleweight UFC Champion (Period). He has the right to bring the fight to the opponent or let the fight come to him. Unfortunately for those people who, like myself, paid $750 to watch the fight, Neither fight scenarios happened.

At one point in the fight, Anderson seemed bored with Leites thus utilizing the embarrassing act of salsa dancing and showboating to seemingly get Leites motivated to fight yet still, nothing happened to spark any action.

The UFC 97 main card was an epic disappointment that left the fans with a bitter tatse in their mouth when the anticipated hope of a legendary knockout or submission ended in a 5-round unanimous decision in favor of Anderson Silva over the battle frighted, shell shocked Leites.

From my vantage point, I could see Georges St.Pierre at octagon side gritting his teeth looking very anxious in his pin-striped suit open collared shirt trying to hold himself back from hoping the fence to kick the ever living shit out of both fighters in his expensive leather Italian shoes. The fans certainly wished that he did just that in the middle of this snooze fest of a fight.

I admit that I booed and also proudly chanted "GSP" along with the 21,000 bored silly fans when the fight reached a coroner's office fever pitch because we all know that Anderson would have a real fight on his hands if/when GSP faces the Spider.

Unlike last year at UFC 83, UFC 97 fans walked out of the Bell Centre dazed, confused, eerily quiet, with a zombie-like orderly walk which can only be compared to sheep marching their way into a slaughter house. Sad atmosphere for such a world renowned party town as Montreal, Quebec.

Even the combined Anderson Silva/Chick Liddell UFC97 After Party at Metropolis on St. Catherine seemed dower:

Although the main card didn't deliver on the pre-fight hype and historical pattern of destruction by Anderson Silva, I don't blame Anderson for the biggest embarrassment in recent UFC History after all, he did win the fight.

Here is a clip of Dana White candidly expressing his disappointment of Anderson Silva at UFC 97

It is true that anything (& nothing) can happen in a fight...

UFC is coming to Toronto next year and I predict Anderson Silva will face Georges St.Pierre in a superfight, just the way Anderson wants it.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Baby killer dance off

Get it? She kills babies with abortions and alcohol, he kills with monster truck madness.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Monday, April 13, 2009

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

The Fightlinker April fools masterpiece

So much goodness in one JPG.
Added to archives...

Transforming to Soft-core porn

Might as well of had Bill Clinton's erection conducting the interview.
I watched the whole interview and can't remember one idea/quote/language involved.
Are my speakers broken? I don't recall sound.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Machida's secret medicine

Tatame , reports a quote from a recent Machida Interview:

“My father [drinks his own urine] for a long time and bring it to us. People think it’s a joke (laughs). I never said it in the United States because I don’t know how the fans will react (laughs). I drink my urine every morning like a natural medicine.”

I knew a Chinese kid that ate his own poop regularly. One day he called me into the bathroom, reached into the toilet and snagged a gray log, took a lick then offered me some, that's when we stopped being friends.

Machida, don't offer me your urine and we're still cool.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

The American Dream Gina Roads

She looks so good. She fights so good. Can a dumbass manage her? She's an easy pick to take the nation by storm. If I had the money, well I'd have the money. Gina would be my easy marketing, for many of many aggressive womens' events. Yeah, it's dumb that she has both brawn and beauty in the modern age and hasn't killed all pop Brittney fucks for the title. Ass chauvinist producers you have lost due to pride and ignorance.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Check Mate Machida

The ultimate ultimate fighter Rashad Evans has a new toy to play with.

The Rashad Machida poem:
Try to stay standing Machida, you don't have the hand speed.
Run away fast, he'll chase your pee.
Fall on the ground to twitch.
You're now Rashad's bitch.

This is like the fight between Democrat and Republican. No one else comes close to competing at this level.
It's Rashad's most interesting fight yet, he'll get to expose the opponent and others can imitate Rashad in this fight to beat Machida.

Rampage, start training and get ready to pay for your sins.

Friday, January 30, 2009

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Exciting Fights Tomorrow

Saturday the 24th don't forget to set your VCRs and VHSs for Affliction.

To the tubby

One is tubby. A layer of lubricating fat is needed for optimal punch speed.
Tubby = Quick, didn't you know?

Underneath Fedor's layer of fat lies the Tasmanian Devil. Arvloski's boxing movement should last him longer than Tim Silvia. Arvloski to lose.

Friday, January 16, 2009

UFC 92 vs UFC 1


Tuesday, January 13, 2009

God Help Rashad Evans Next Victim

Elites can't compete with the speed, brains and power of this freak. Always counted out and now easily defending the title. Mama said knock you out! Sickest KO and GNP of 08'. Adios Machida, if UFC ever lets you fight for the title.