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Saturday, May 31, 2008

MMA Invades the Airwaves

Oh yeah, the network debut of MMA is today.
CBS has an EliteXC event starring Kimbo at 8 central (Saturday). Hide your kids, or they might be the next Murder Death Kill poster children.

For the dense headed, don't let your kids watch this shit or they will kill some motherfuckers before they hit puberty.

SpikeTV is putting on an Iceman Special and UFC unleashed at the same time so you might have to tape one for later.

Friday, May 30, 2008

Wand is Happy

“My greatest joy was without a doubt to be able to bring happiness to those of you who never gave up on believing in me. My true friends, now we have been redeemed. I spent the day reading and re-reading the messages from you on the internet. You have no idea how happy I am. I am certain any fighter would love to have fans like you. I went through three hard months, training for this fight, and it wasn’t just once or twice that the messages from you uplifted me and stimulated me to keep on training intensely. This fight was decisive. I was under a lot of pressure. I had to win by all means. But at these tough times I could see you guys were with me. To have the affection of you guys on my side is an honor, it is priceless. I was very moved and felt like crying after the win. Thank God I cry from happiness. At that moment I thought of all of you excited by this so long-awaited moment!! Now you can also talk to me on myspace ( Here I’ll be able to get to know you better. I haven’t the words to thank you enough for the strength you have given me. Let’s beat our chests and celebrate with much joy, because this victory is ours!! Thank you so much.”

Mmafever is here for you buddy, we knew you could do it!!!

Kickass UFC 85 Poster

The boys over at put together this beauty! "Rashad Evans: No one left to fight", so true. Who wants to be humiliated by this maniac?

It's only legible if you click the picture.

Sunday, May 25, 2008

UFC 84 Final Thoughts

I'm trying not to take anything away from the efforts of the fighters last night. However, during the fights last night, I couldn't help but think to myself Rashad Evans would crush all these motherfuckers.
Tito explained it best after his fight with Evans, stating "If you're not cheating, you're not trying".
How else are you supposed to stand a chance against the Ultimate ULTIMATE fighter?

Friday, May 23, 2008

Rashad Evans is better than you Pt. 1

The first of a ten part series documenting the many ways Rashad Evans is better than you and the greatest UFC fighter of all time.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Why Shit On Frank Mir?

Well, in case you actually have a life and cannot stay on top of every MMA movement just know that Frank Mir will become the next Ultimate Fighter coach for TUF8.

Spike TV on May 12, 2008 announced that Ultimate Fighting Championship interim heavyweight titleholder Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira "Big Nog" and former champion Frank Mir will be the coaches for the eighth season of The Ultimate Fighter.

The season, which premiers on Spike TV on Sept. 17, will return to the two-weight class format. It features light heavyweight (205-pound) and lightweight (155-pound) fighters. Production on season eight begins in late May, with the entire cast to be announced in September.

Nogueira and Mir, after serving as coaches, will meet in an as-of-yet unannounced pay-per-view event for the title.

Back to the shitting part... by that of course I mean that people just don't respect Frankie and his talents. They see Frank as a nice guy and former UFC Heavyweight Champion but feel that he is a broken fighter since he recovered from his motorcycle accident and feel he hasn't yet shown the same dominance and intensity that was once displayed when he broke Tim Sylvia's arm.

Hmmm... coming out of shape to fights looking like an MMA fan instead of a fighter probably didn't help him either with the die hard MMA fanatics.

I like Frank, he's young, a big motherfucker, soft spoken and could turn just about anyone into a pretzel in the blink of an eye and dare I say it... even Nogueria.

Frank is 11-3 in his MMA career which is miles away from the "Nogueira experience" at 34-4-1 but there's something about Mir and this match-up that I think will silence the MMA pundits for a while as they pick their thong out of their asses then sctrach their head in disbelief.

As you know or may not know, Nogueria has never been stopped in a fight. That's right, nobody has knocked him out or even subbed the BJJ master. All of Nog's losses happened by decision which says a lot about the toughness of the man called Minotauro.

I thought Werdum or Arlovski would be close to taking the belt from Big Nog but I never really believed they could weather a 5 round storm with Nog much less end the fight against him in victory.

...but there's something about Mir, his size, his toughness and his accute BJJ skills paired with his rediscovered winning mindset today that should make anyone in the HW ranks nervous including the current UFC HW champion.

Nice job Joe Silva and Dana White!

Inside MMA Video - Barnett, Severn, Affliction

Former UFC Heavyweight Champion Josh "The Babyface Assassin" Barnett, UFC Hall of Famer Dan "The Beast" Severn, and Tom Atencio, VP of Affliction Clothing.

Monday, May 12, 2008

This Shit Makes Me Laugh...

Hell, anything Tito Ortiz is involved with makes me laugh.

REDBELT the Movie: The Most Thorough Review of Any MMA Website

It Sucks!

Wanderlei Silva is DONE in the UFC

Come on, let's get real now and state the obvious and that obvious is the fact that Wanderlei Silva is spent in the UFC.

Yeah I know the sack suckers for the half man-half monkey boy from the jungles of Brazil will swing in here on their Mommy's vine to give their 1 cent about their favorite Pride fighter blah, blah, blah.. ad nauseum.

That's the point -> RIP Pride FC 1997-2007

This is the UFC motherfuckers and ya better recognize the differences between the two or else you'll just be another disappointed Cro Cop, Shogun Rua, Dan Henderson, Sokodjou, Marcus Aurelio, Ryo Chonan, Heath Herring fan.

Yes, I know about Anderson Silva and Quinton Jackson and Big Nog but let's get something straight, those three fighter's style is easily transferable to any MMA organization in the whole freakin' world and that my retarded friends is where the Axe Murderer falls short.

Wandy's claim to fame and also his strength in the sport of MMA is foot stomps, soccer kicks and knees to a downed opponent (Muay Thai clinch against Rampage notwithstanding).

Under the unified rules which governs the sanctioned UFC fights, that shit ain't allowed so where does this leave our lovely little Brazilian half monkey boy?

In a word - defeated.

Wand is up against Keith Jardine who was able to pull off a controversial split decision victory against Chuck Liddell. It was controversial because Keith Jardine should have won unanimously (...and I'm a die hard Liddell fan here folks!).

Wand was able to go the distance with Chuck in his return to the UFC but was defeated in a unanimous decision victory in favor of the Iceman.

Pay close attention 'cause MMA Math does not exist but MMA lectures on Charles Darwin's theory of evolution certainly does apply in this case.

Darwin's Theory of Evolution - Natural Selection

"While Darwin's Theory of Evolution is a relatively young archetype, the evolutionary worldview itself is as old as antiquity. Ancient Greek philosophers such as Anaximander postulated the development of life from non-life and the evolutionary descent of man from animal.

Charles Darwin simply brought something new to the old philosophy -- a plausible mechanism called "natural selection." Natural selection acts to preserve and accumulate minor advantageous genetic mutations. Suppose a member of a species developed a functional advantage (it grew wings and learned to fly).

Its offspring would inherit that advantage and pass it on to their offspring. The inferior (disadvantaged) members of the same species would gradually die out, leaving only the superior (advantaged) members of the species. Natural selection is the preservation of a functional advantage that enables a species to compete better in the wild.

Natural selection is the naturalistic equivalent to domestic breeding. Over the centuries, human breeders have produced dramatic changes in domestic animal populations by selecting individuals to breed. Breeders eliminate undesirable traits gradually over time. Similarly, natural selection eliminates inferior species gradually over time."

Did you get that last line?

"Similarly, natural selection eliminates inferior species gradually over time."

Folks, I've been very vocal, honest and shameless about key UFC fighters who have not evolved in the sport of MMA as I intelligently predicted their demise from the top tier due to the fact that they have chosen to stay stagnant as the sport evolved around them.

Matt Hughes
Tito Ortiz

It's clear that Wanderlei Silva doesn't have the core skills to be effective in the top tier of the UFC LHW division due in part to his lack of skill progression and evolution within the sport of mixed martial arts.

Keith Jardine has the opportunity to erase his KO loss against Alexander Houston by knocking out Wandy in their upcoming bout at UFC 84 Ill Will on May 24 at the MGM Grand Garden Arena, Nevada.

All that's left for the Dulled Axe Murderer is to hope that Rampage Jackson beats Forrest Griffin at UFC 86 on Jul 5, 2008 so he can have one last chance at the title and a huge motherfuckin' payday and retirement party after Rampage dismantles the man from the monkey boy in the MMA world.

Sad really that Wanderlei cannot see or even understand the writing on the wall about his future as a fighter in this sport within the UFC.

Maybe a rematch with Tito Ortiz at EliteXC sometime in the fall of '09?

Fuck You, the Pride/Dream Announcer Chick is Hot!

Oh man, the best MMA announcer EVAH!

This chick who's name is Lenne Hardt makes my Johnson stand at attention every time she screams out the fighter's names and rolls her tongue... that's fuckin' sexy.

Lenne announces for Dream now since Pride FC went under last year to the UFC.

Fuck UFC's Bruce Buffer's "It's Time!" bullshit is tired... Lenne is the best there is and ever was.

Now if she would only roll her tongue and announce my favorite fighters on my Johnson... that would be very hot indeed.

You'd have to be a longtime MMA fan to appreciate this post cause Lenne, me love you long time!

Wet Dream III Videos

Manhoef vs Kim

Diaz vs Inoue

Mayhem vs Shibata

Jung Bukyung vs. Daisuke Nakamura

Joachim Hansen vs. Eddie Alvarez

Takeshi Yamazaki vs. Shoji Maruyama

Mitsuhiro Ishida vs. Caol Uno

Tatsuya Kawajiri vs. Luiz "Buscape" Firmino

That's all of 'em Bitches... Enjoy!

Dream 3 event results:

-Caol Uno def. Mitsuhiro Ishida by Submission (Rear Naked Choke) at 1:38, R2

-Eddie Alvarez def. Joachim Hansen by Unanimous Decision, R2

-Tatsuya Kawajiri def. Luis Buscape by Unanimous Decision, R2

-Nick Diaz def. Katsuya Inoue by TKO at 6:45, R1

-Daisuke Nakamura def. Bu Kyung Jung by KO at 1:19, R2

-Melvin Manhoef def. Dae Won Kim by TKO at 4:08, R1

-Jason Miller def. Katsuyori Shibata by TKO at 6:57, R1

-Takeshi Yamazaki def. Shoji Maruyama by Unanimous Decision, R2

Sherdog's Mike Sloan has some Balls

Finally, I come across an MMA writer from a prominent MMA site at who actually has an opinion, not very informative mind you, but an opinion nonetheless.

His first pubic hair raising question to the MMA masses which he eventually shits on was why the fuck "Nick Diaz isn't one of the most marketed and popular fighters in the sport of mixed martial arts?".

Well, Mikey the reason for that would be five-fold:

1. Nick's claim to fame win in he UFC was against Ruthless Robbie Lawlor 4 fuckin' years ago!
2. Diaz lost to Diego Sanchez, Joe Riggs and Sean Sherk in a row in the UFC.
3. Diaz did skillfully apply the gogofuckyouplata on the Fireball Kid for a submission win at Pride 33: The Second Coming however... NSAC overturned the win and declared the fight a No Contest because he tested positive for weed in his piss.
4. Diaz lost to K.J. Noons in the first EliteXC Lightweight Championship title bout back in November 2007.
5. Nick Diaz is not a consistent fighter.

Now, don't get me wrong, I appreciate Nick Diaz's moxy and fighter's warrior spirit but this guy is simply a loose cannon who hasn't taken the sport seriously similar to what plagued B.J. Penn before he dropped down to 155 last year for TUF 5.

Drawing comparisons between B.J. and Diaz is the best way to highlight similarities in talent between the two and also contrasting maturity levels with B.J. light years ahead of Diaz in this sport.

Nate Diaz, Nicky's younger brother is everything that Nick Diaz could have and should have been in the UFC.

I have to quote Sloan's piece about Anderson Silva vs. GSP:

Let's All Calm Down, Shall We?

"Virtually nothing within Mother Earth's embrace is as predictable as the fight fan.

In the aftermath of hundreds of mixed martial arts events and thousands of fights, it has become effortless, if not second nature, to almost directly quote imminent "expert" blog analyses, myopic e-mails and cluttered chat room banter rooted firmly in kneejerk reactions.

I suggest the fight world take a collective deep breath, hold it in a while and let the performances of the fighters and the outcomes of contests marinate in its mind.

In other words: Let's calm down just a little bit, shall we?

For starters, it's time to lay to rest the absurd arguments of a Georges St. Pierre (Pictures)/Anderson Silva showdown and how great a fight it would be. I briefly touched base on this "dream fight" a few months back, and now I feel the need to squash this illogical cerebration for good.

As great a fighter as "Rush" is, he'd stand little to no chance against "Spider" and the reasoning is quite simple. Silva is the greatest all-around striker this sport has ever seen, whereas St. Pierre is not even close. GSP is probably stronger than Silva, but on the ground the Brazilian's submission prowess would nullify St. Pierre's attacks. And Silva is much too big a fighter naturally, and a great big man always beats a great small man.

So with that put into print, let's move away from this fight, as it would wind up being one of the biggest mismatches in main event history."

Silva/GSP aside for a moment... Did you catch that shot Mike Sloan took at you, the MMA fan?

In MMA Fever words, he's calling you a predictable Tool for regurgitating what you read online and then calling for a P4P match with the best fighters in the world immediately after one of the so-called best P4P fighters crushes their opponent.

Nice shot Mikey but the fact is that YOU are the Tool who is so far out of touch with the PULSE of MMA and the fans that keep the sport alive today for you to fumble through your elementary prose.

How did Royce Gracie vs. Matt Hughes at a catch weight of 175Lbs at UFC 60 come about again? Oh yeah... the MMA FANS wanted it, Bitch!

Back to the absolute drivel that Sloan wrote about GSP standing "little to no chance against "Spider"....


Sloan, if you knew anything about this sport or the fighters you wrote about then you wouldn't have written that piece of shit about GSP vs. Silva.

Seriously, what the fuck do you know about the fighting styles of Georges St.Pierre and Anderson Silva instead of pointing out that Silva is a better striker on his feet and is also well adept at submissions?

Sloan, I'm calling you Bitch from now on so Bitch, here's what you need to know about fighting style dominance and the intangibles which decide fights in MMA Today.

I'll break it down in the simplest terms so you'll understand better...

Think, Rock-Paper-Scissors...

1. Wrestling
2. Jiu-Jitsu
3. Striking

Wrestling beats Striking
Jiu-Jitsu beats Wrestling (debateable, so fuck off)
Striking beats Jiu-Jitsu

Wresting beats striking because when you take a striker down, they have no defense.
JJ beats wrestling because JJ can be used to win fights off of the back.
Striking bets JJ because the secret to JJ is in grappling and not fending off 5 punch/kick combos.

With GSP and Silva, we have two people that are at the top of the MMA food chain in their weight divisions and also in all three fighting styles.

Wrestling - Advantage GSP
Jiu-Jitsu - Advantage Silva
Striking - Advantage Silva

Hmmm.. on paper, it looks like the Bitch is right but look again you'll see he is also regurgitating knowledge of a previous fight between Anderson Silva and Dan Henderson at UFC 82 in which Silva was able to submit Hendo by RNC in the second round.

The last I checked, GSP is not Dan Henderson. Georges received his brown belt in BJJ from Renzo Gracie on July 21, 2006 which gives GSP the knowledge on the ground to defend against submission attempts and also counter them offensively.

The intangibles I spoke of are injuries and stamina:

We know that Silva has bad knees and that could be a factor in the fight if it were to go beyond the second round which it would. GSP is in tip-top shape and injury free.

GSP is the friggin Energizer bunny when it comes to conditioning so GSP gets the advantage should this match ever go the full five rounds if it were ever a title fight because Anderson is untested in later rounds within the UFC.

So let's add to the list shall we and see what the outcome could potentially be:

Wrestling - Advantage GSP
Jiu-Jitsu - Advantage Silva
Striking - Advantage Silva
Conditioning - Advantage GSP
Injuries - Advantage GSP

Bitch, you've got your head up your ass and under a rock which I give you full credit for because that's a hard thing to do. GSP is unlike any other fighter in the world just the same as Anderson Silva who is also in a fighting class unto himself.

I don't know who would win this fight if it were to happen but I sure as hell would pay triple to see that fight because I respect the fighters, the fans and the fuckin' sport of MMA, Bitch!

What did the dude say to the Transexual Sherdog MMA writer?

Bitch, you sure have some balls!

Affliction Fight Card "Banned"

I have to go on record first by saying that I despise the Affliction clothing line and brand. I see every Guido and their mother wearing Affliction nowadays.

Not sure what a Guido is well, click on the picture to the left and know that Affliction is the new uniform for posing tools like that guy and every other cloned douchebag out there.

Affliction is cool if you're under 15 years old but after that, you're just a tool.

That's why you love me so much, because I take a side and stick to it unlike the MMA poser sites that are scared shitless of pissing anyone off, mostly the group of human casualties in the pic beside who frequent their sites daily.

Well, Affliction clothing has officially released details about their debut MMA event aptly titled, “Banned” on June 19. The event is named "Banned" as a tongue in cheek shot at the UFC and Dana White who banned Affliction from being worn by any fighter at UFC events (Thanks Randy Couture!).

The "Banned" event will air live on pay-per-view from the Honda Center in Anaheim, California which has in my humble yet eloquent opinion, a FUCKIN' AWESOME CARD!

• Fedor Emelianenko vs. Tim Sylvia
• Josh Barnett vs. Pedro Rizzo
• Renato Sobral vs. Mike Whitehead
• Matt Lindland vs. Fabio Negao
• Aleksander Emelianenko vs. Paul Buentello (yet to be signed)

Non-pay-per-view fights:
• Savant Young vs. Mark Hominick
• Justin Levens vs. Ray Lazama
• J.J. Ambrose vs. Patrick Speight
• Mike Pyle vs. Brett Cooper

Question: Will you buy this PPV card or keep your cock and your money in the UFC?

Friday, May 9, 2008

Sup Motherfuckers! - Tacos, Spanish Fly, Jail & the Tranny

First and foremost I want to thank Tim for keeping the MMA Fever shop doors open with some great unique content - Tim, you do your best work after a few brews dude!

I didn't realize that MMA Fever was so damn popular even when we're acting like knobs half the time but still are able to separate the peanuts from the shit in any MMA story out there.

I suppose it's the peanut free shit nuggets (for those MMA fans with peanut allergies) that you crave and I want to let you know that the shit will continue to fly peanutless around here for quite some time.

OK, where the fuck have I been?

(WARNING: Very slight embellishments are apparent in the story you are about to read because of hallucinogens that I was under the influence of before and at the time of writing this piece.)

Well, I was resting in a Tijuana jail for a while you see, I went down there because I had a Taco craving and also went to buy some Spanish fly from a dude named Pedro. Well, little did I know that Pedro actually wasn't the dude from Napoleon Dynamite but some other Pedro who sold me some Ecstasy instead.

Yeah, I know what you're thinking... why would the best looking MMA writer in the blogosphere need Spanish fly? Well, as I told the policia, it wasn't for me (and that's all I'll say because I want to protect Colonel Balz's identity ;)


Thrown violently into the back of the police car pushed right up next to the sweetest looking transvestite I had ever seen over 250Lbs and rushed off to jail because I couldn't come up with enough money to pay off the federales due to my recent spanish fly purchase and the cash I spent for the Corona drinking game I sponsored for Pedro for which I voted for by the way - the fucker lost too ;)

Well, a few months had passed and by the way,I made the tranny chick my bitch in jail on the first day (of course). I was finally freed when I saw Jose Canseco wandering outside the jail selling steroids to professional baseball players, MMA fighters and a bunch of dudes with "little man complex" under 5'7".

Sup Clemens, A-ROD, Shamrock & Sherk!

Yeah, Jose is a great guy but at first, I reflected on my trust for a dude named Pedro which landed my ass in jail so I was a bit skeptical about dealing with Jose "the Juice peddler" to help me with my sudden yet swift release from hell.

Suffice it to say, I was able to convince Canseco to distract the guards while I snuck up behind them amd choked them the fuck out like Ed Herman was choked against Damian Maia at UFC 83, lifeless... on the floor.

I had to utilize my inside MMA connections and knowledge to supply some names to Jose's list of MMA stars on 'Roids *cough*Lesnar*cough* which will most likely result in another Steroids exp-'Jose' book but this time, for the sport of Mixed Martial Arts.

Unfortunately, during the ruse, Canseco slipped and banged his head only to awake to take my place next to the lovely Juan-ita so he could apply the cream instead of me... err.... I mean someone else.

Jose has some time now to focus on the writing of his new book which is set for release sometime between the release of UFC 2009 and never the way that fucking video game release is going!

Did I sell out MMA?

Hell yeah, and you would too if you had to spend 3 months with some tranny dude named Juan-ita who loved to wear nothing but fishnet stockings in an 8 x 10ft cell with you because of the throbbing Mexican heat which aggravated the blisters surrounding his groin (please don't ask).

Anyway, I'm in therapy now and things are going well... ironically my therapist is named Juan Ibarra who is currently treating my psychosomatic symptoms as I am now suddenly severely allergic to Tacos, Baseball and Zovirax cream.

So in the end, fuck Tacos and Spanish fly because they don't mix well together especially with a 250Lb-fishnet-stocking-wearing-nudist-prostitute-herpes-infested-transvestite.

...and you thought your life had drama?

Shit, I miss the TV show - Prison Break.

P.S. Jose Canseco and Juan-ita are living very happily together somewhere a few hundred miles south of Albuquerque, New Mexico (which is the MMA training base for the best pound for pound MMA fighter in the world - GSP - Jackson's Submission Fighting's finest fighter and the pride of Canada, Motherfuckers!)

Yo quiero MMA!

Saturday, May 3, 2008

Xbox 360 Wireless Money Saver

I just got done with a wireless bridge hack in order to connect my future Xbox 360 to the internet. GTA 4 brought me to the breaking point of buying a 360. If you had any doubts about GTA 4, let Bas end them...

I can't wait for some online Soul Calibur 4 and Fable 2 action!

Wandy vs The Dolphins 2

Greg, Snorkel training is back! Keith Jardine, had better be cognizant of the air snorkel attack. Best be prepared for this shit to go overboard, cause this captain ain't chasin' a sinking ship over your sorry ass (whatever that means). Prepare Jardine, Prepare!

Leben DUI Summary

Leben's recent DUI arrest should result in no lost fight time. It appears he turned himself into the law Wednesday, to insure a Legal VISA to UFC 85 London, after jail time.

Friday, May 2, 2008

Bitch tits Sherk is ready for BJ

"Muscle Shark" somehow passed his random drug test in order to fight May 24 against BJ Penn.

Kimbo is the New Prime Mike Tyson, With Bas as a mentor.

They both have a child's sponge mentality and great natural ability/attitude.
Kimbo with Bas.

Kimbo Trains Wth Bas Rutten - The best bloopers are a click away
Mike Tyson without his mentor.